Coming Back to God -- again and again
I like to think that God is always in my mind and my heart, but I will admit that huge chunks of the day can go by before I realize I have not thought about Him, let alone prayed to Him. It's not like I don't have reminders: A crucifix hangs above interior doorways of our house; a Bible rests on a table on every floor. A small wooden cross even hangs from the rear view mirror of my car.
So how is it that I can forget about the God who I believe made the earth and all its creatures? How can I possibly spend hours writing, driving my kids places, running errands, cleaning the house and not have it dawn on me that all this was made possible by God?
When I do finally remember, I try to throw out a quick prayer. "God, please bless so-and-so....God, please help me through my day....God, please look after my kids."
What can God be thinking? "Well, hello there, ungrateful creature of mine. Nice of you to remember me! Do you think I go hours without thinking about you? But that's okay, you go back to whatever important tasks you were doing, and don't worry about me. I'll be fine, of course."
If I make God sound like an Italian grandmother handing out guilt like a full plate of spaghetti, it's because that's sometimes how I imagine him. He's loving and kind and generous, but He can throw a guilt trip at you in nothing flat.
And if I do sometimes see God like this, why doesn't it make me more aware of Him? Shouldn't I want to escape the guilt and spend more time with Him?
Then I have to think: Perhaps I am indeed spending time with Him -- every moment of my life. This is the life I was given, and every task I do -- whether it's going to church or washing the clothes -- fulfills my mission as a child of God. The fact that I am not conscious of that fact every second of the day could very well be God's way of keeping me focused on my life and what I am supposed to be doing.
That eases the guilt to a great extent, but it doesn't erase it. There's still that bit about forgetting God is in my life for hours at a time. Shouldn't I be thanking Him or talking to Him as often as possible?
The answer, of course, is yes. But how do I do this? One way is to reopen this blog, which I unceremoniously abandoned more than three years ago. In one of my infrequent chats with God, He reminded me about this blog, and, I'd like to believe, He encouraged me to get back at it. Maybe so I could continue to write every day. But perhaps He told me to start writing blog posts again so I could spend more time with Him. And that's a nice, guilt-free way to welcome more frequent visits with me.